Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Territory News: Range war continues in You Crane Valley

2nd March 1874

In the You Crane Valley the range war between the farmers and the Nukem Ranch blazes on with fence cutting and suspicious BBQ’s escalating this week.

The dispute between the farmers in the You Crane Valley and the surrounding Nukem Ranch lands is becoming more intense. The farmers are claiming that more and more of their fences are being cut and are blaming the Nukem ranch hands. On the other side there are allegations of missing cattle and suspicious BBQ smells wafting over from farmer land.

Nukem Ranch owner Vlad de Mere warned that his cowboys would enter farmer land if the Territorial Authorities were not going to act on investigating what he called the “provocations of the dirt lickers”. He asserted that his ranch had “historical grazing rights over the You Crane Valley” and the farmers intention to join the Northern Agricultural Territory Organisation (NATO) was “completely unacceptable given that organisation’s imperialist, expansionist agenda within The Territory“.

Spokesman for NATO – Buster Sod – said “Hahahaha. Hahahahahaha. The only reason NATO was formed was because of ranchers like de Mere driving their cattle over farmer owned land. Our member farmers support the legitimate rights of the farmers in You Crane Valley to farm the land they own without hungry cattle wandering through and chomping their crops”. He added they would “welcome an application for NATO membership from the You Crane Valley farmers”.

A spokesman for the You Crane Valley farmers going by the name of Raymond de Mere (to protect himself from rancher reprisals) said “This is our land. We paid for it. The Nukem Ranch guaranteed our ownership rights when they sold us the land. They promised us if we gave up our guns that they would not put cattle through our land and they would protect us from other ranchers who might try and run cattle through us”. Raymond wanted to “acknowledge the generous support from some good folks in Largo City, You Essay County who had heard about our trouble and sent fencing supplies to help us protect our crops”. Also the good folks in nearby You Rope County who had also sent fencing supplies

Vlad de Mere out on horseback looking for his shirt. When he finds it he will stop looking.

Territory News put all this to Vlad de Mere and he got right angry, yelling “my men have better things to do than to keep cutting fence wire when they should be guarding cattle and singing ranch approved songs around the campfire”. If the “dumb-arse do-gooders from You Rope County and Largo City want to get someone killed then keep on sending fencing supplies to the dirt lickers. We never had any of this nonsense happening when Mayor Furkwit was in charge of Largo City”.

Territory News will keep readers updated as events unfold.

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